You don't suppose Barry Bonds finally will fess up, do you? That he'll admit publicly what many of us have suspected for years? No, I'm not referring to the steroid question. (We'll get to that later.) I'm talking about Bonds' love of the spotlight. He says he hates the media and craves his privacy, but darned if his actions don't say the opposite.

Did you see him dressed like a woman last week? There he was, channeling Paula Abdul in a strapless dress and fetching wig. (My, what gigantic shoulders he has.) What a terrific photo op -- and Bonds made the most of it. Although, for the record, Bonds said he simply was trying to be a good teammate, participating in the San Francisco Giants' version of "American Idol'' to help raise a few hundred bucks for charity.

"To be honest with you, Mark Sweeney asked me to do it, and I thought since this could be my last season, why not have fun?'' Bonds explained on his Web site.

I want to believe him because I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. But the words "fun'' and "Bonds'' don't really fit together. He never has played well with others. Why start now?

You don't think it has anything to do with his new reality TV show, do you? The one that presumably will depict a kinder, gentler, more introspective Bonds? Cameras already have started following him around, filming for the show "Bonds on Bonds,'' which will air on ESPN2 beginning in April. It all seems too convenient, doesn't it?

Reality TV? Hardly 

Of course, I should know by now that little of what Bonds says can be taken at face value. For instance, is he retiring after this season or not? Yes, no, maybe.

Will he consider finishing his career in the American League, as a designated hitter? Yes, no, who knows?

And did he knowingly use the cream and the clear or not?

If you believe his grand-jury testimony, as reported by the San Francisco Examiner, Bonds didn't have a clue that he used illegal substances during the 2003 season. He thought his personal trainer, Greg Anderson, was giving him flaxseed oil and a pain-relieving arthritis balm. And even if the substances he took were steroids, Bonds told prosecutors, they didn't help him play better.

And now comes "Bonds on Bonds,'' which will offer "a unique behind-the-scenes experience that fans will be able to enjoy each week,'' Bonds said in a news release.

On his Web site, Bonds calls the show a "documentary project.'' Which sounds classier than "reality show,'' I suppose. But no matter how it's characterized, I don't expect the show to be real. Why is Bonds doing this? Maybe he can't help himself.

A real ego trip 

Maybe Bonds, who played in only 14 games last season while rehabbing his right knee after undergoing three surgeries on it, missed the spotlight during his time away from the game. Or maybe he figures this is a chance to rehabilitate his steroid-scarred image. Funny how a guy who hates cameras and microphones turns to them so readily when he feels he needs them.

Of course, it's also possible that Bonds believes he's giving us a gift. We get to watch him chase history! If his knee is OK, he might pass Babe Ruth for second place on the all-time home-run list in April. He is only six homers behind Ruth. And if his knee holds up well enough to play in, say, 130 games this season, he has a chance to catch Hank Aaron. Bonds, who is 47 homers behind the king, hit five homers in 14 games during his hobbling comeback last season.

Who doesn't want to watch history being made? Not that we won't be able to see each Bonds at-bat on TV as he nears the milestones. But the reality show will take us behind the scenes. Maybe we'll be able to see Bonds weep privately. Better yet, maybe we'll see one of his teammates take a punch at a camera operator.

If Bonds were a team player, he wouldn't subject his teammates to round-the-clock camera crews. It might distract the Giants from their goal, which presumably is to win baseball games. Then again, Bonds seldom has been described as a good teammate.

Bonds reportedly is not being paid to star in "Bonds on Bonds.'' But I assume his ego is being rewarded handsomely.