Five really good reasons to do steroids, By: TARA PATRIQUIN / Fitness Column
March 22, 2006
NO. 1 BIRTH CONTROL
In men, the body can stop naturally producing its own testosterone, and the testicles may begin to shrink. This isn’t the only complication with men’s most prized body part. Impotence, lowered sperm count and an enlarged prostate are all part and parcel of excessive steroid use.
Men might also experience breast enlargement. Now, I know that initially this might sound like fun, but the novelty will wear off and all you’ll be left with are man boobs and no balls. Sexy!
Women, on the other hand, can get one step closer to male equality with reduced breast size, increased facial and body hair, a deepened voice and menstrual/reproductive problems.
For both genders, there are other not-so-pretty negative side effects ranging from bowel discomfort to joint and muscle pains to heart disease to cancer. Other telltale signs of a steroid user are acne or cysts, rough skin, yellowing of the skin, stretch marks where the muscles grew too fast and too furious for the capacity of the skin, bad breath and premature balding.
What’s frightening is many negative side effects of steroid use are not immediate. They can occur within months or years after first using the drugs. So for anyone who is thinking that they are smart enough to stop using when things get too rough, think again. You weren’t smart enough to avoid using them in the first place, so what makes you think that you will be now?
Once an athlete takes steroids once, it is hard to deny the boost that they provide, and it’s hard to walk away from the feeling of invincibility.
No. 2 HEY! DID YOU SEE THAT?
Hallucinations and paranoia are just one of the lovely bonuses that come in these magical pills or injections. Even more severe psychological side effects, such as depression, anxiety, and panic attacks, have all been found in cases of heavy steroid users.
"Roid rage" is likely what more people think of and associate with steroid users. The Incredible Hulk or a PMSing woman got nothin’ on these guys with their uncontrollable aggression and violent outburst and mood swings.
No. 3 FOREVER YOUNG
What’s sad is that adolescents are using steroids, whether it’s from the pressures to look good and get past that awkward stage of puberty, or stems from dreams of becoming a professional athlete. Along with all the same side effects as adults, adolescents have the added risk of stunted growth. Growth may be halted as the steroids close the growth plates in the bones, causing premature maturation of the skeleton.
No. 4 ALL ACCESS BACKSTAGE PASSES
While you might be able to bully your way backstage at some big event, it’s more likely that you will be the lucky winner of a backstage pass to a cop car, police station, courtroom or even jail. Wheeee! The laws against steroid use are not as strict as with other drugs like cocaine and heroine, however, using is still punishable by law.
Sadly, it seems that athletes caught using steroids are getting only a slap on the wrist and being asked to sit out a few games. Part of the problem is the limitations of testing, which ranges from polygraph tests to random blood tests. The Olympics have pretty stringent rules, testing for up to 70 substances.
Many major sports leagues, however, tend to only test during the game/event, and only once a year. Even then athletes are not tested for many substances. This gives them a chance to juice up and the time to eliminate any traces before testing.
No. 5 GOOD SPORTSMANSHIP
There are essentially six physical factors to making a good athlete: strength, power, balance, agility, flexibility and endurance. Steroids help with strength and thereby power and endurance (of the skeletal muscles at least), but there is much debate surrounding the other components.
A seventh factor that I’d like to add to the list is honour. Whatever happened to the good old-fashioned sense of accomplishment. Once an athlete artificially enhances his abilities, how can he feel any pride in his achievements knowing that they are not legit? Money talks I suppose.
Discipline is far more impressive than juicing up and staking claim to records and goals that weren’t rightly earned. Children are growing up idolizing athletes who they know have broken the rules, but are still successful and praised for their success. What kind of message is this sending out?
Is all of this really worth it? It seems that way lately. Unfortunately, as long as spectators and coaches alike continue to demand more exciting games and bigger goals, athletes will continue to feel the pressure to provide. Only the smart and honourable ones will resist.
For the most compelling story on the vicious world of steroids, check out the CBC report on Bob Hazleton: The Price of Roid Rage. Hazleton is a former boxer, security to Van Halen and steroid user who lost both of his legs, and nearly his mind, to steroids. He’s one of the few athletes willing to speak out about his steroid use, and he paints a graphic and disturbing picture.
