Why Anabolic Steroids Suck... But It's Not Why You Think

Dear Friend,

I have a confession...

Bodybuilding is not my #1 passion.

Nope. It's music. In fact, I've played guitar professionally (on and off) since the age of 15. Being a musician is just about the only thing I've ever wanted to do since I was seven years old.

Here's a story seemingly unrelated to bodybuilding... but hang with me for a minute and I think you'll get the picture.

I have a list as long as my arm of my favorite guitarists. I appreciate them all and they all have influenced how I play the instrument.

But guitarists, being the egotistical stubborn people that we are, always argue about who is the "best" guitarist (as if there is only ONE.)

Some guys like "this guy" who plays rock, other guys like "that guy" who plays country, etc.

But there is one guitarist whose name is almost always spoken with reverence amongst guitarists. Regardless of whether they like his style of music or compositions, almost everybody has to agree that this guy is probably the best guitarist in the world.

I'm talking about Allan Holdsworth.

You may have never heard of him... and that's a shame.

See, he is not involved with popular music. He composes and performs the most technically complex style of music there is... jazz fusion. And you're never going to hear THAT on the radio. Corporate radio only spoon feeds you the most simplistic, "lowest common denominator" music the great unwashed masses can understand.

Holdsworth's technical ability is uncanny... almost scary. His lines are so complex, the average musician cannot even begin to appreciate or comprehend what he does. It goes right over their heads.

Even the most technically proficient, highly educated guitarists in the world usually cannot duplicate what Allan Holdsworth plays.

The talent and abilities he has on the guitar are so super-human that one reporter wrote, "I saw Allan Holdsworth eating a sandwich at the NAMM show (National Association of Music Merchants). I guess that proves he really IS mortal."

If I could wish for the talent and abilities of only ONE guitarist, I would wish to play like Allan Holdsworth.

So let's suppose I discovered a drug... a pill, in this case... when taken over a period of weeks, would give a guitarist the talent and ability of Allan Holdsworth. The pill is called "Holdsworthabol".

And for a healthy guitarist, the risks of any harmful side effects are very minimal. As long as the guitarist takes a moderate dosage for no longer than 3 months, there are very few risks. All the possible side effects are very minor and reversible upon cessation of the pill.

But "Holdsworthabol" cannot produce miracles. It will NOT help a guy with absolutely no talent and ability who refuses to practice.

But a guitarist, who already has some talent and ability and has been dilligently practicing for at least five years... AND commits to studying and practicing really hard and consistently while taking this pill, can make...

Extraordinary gains in just two to three months that might have taken five to ten years without "Holdsworthabol".

So I do all my due dilligence on "Holdsworthabol". I read everything I can get my hands on from credible sources. I talk to a bunch of guys at the music store that are taking it or have taken it in the past. I don't just make a snap decision... I really do my homework.

The verdict is... along with my God-given talent and my decades of experience and practice... if I start taking "Holdsworthabol", within a matter of a few weeks, I'll be improvising with all the skill and ability of the guitar god, Allan Holdsworth.

And as long as I don't take it for more than 3 months at a time, there should be very few (if any) side effects.

Having done my homework on Holdsworthabol and being convinced it will help me reach my goals with very little risk, am I going to take it?

Yeah, I am.

So I start taking Holdsworthabol and practicing the guitar like crazy.

The first 7 to 10 days I think somebody sold me some bogus Holdsworthabol because I'm not seeing any changes.

But after about two to three weeks things really start kicking in. My fingers are starting to fly over the fretboard and what were once very complex harmonic changes are now a piece of cake. I'm improvising over Coltrane's "Giant Steps" with ease.

After a couple months of this regimen, I'm a local celebrity. When I play out with my band, people stare in awe at my ability. I have surpassed every other local guitarist in talent and ability.

When I walk into the music store I'm greeted by the staff and fellow musicians like a celebrity. Young players ask me all kinds of questions about how they can learn to play like me. I really dig the ego boost.

"How did you develop so much speed and fluency?"

"How can I play like you do? How can you play through changes like that?"

I smugly reply, "You gotta put in the practice. Woodshedding for hours and hours, year after year."

I happen to leave out that being "chemically enhanced" has played a big part in my rapid progress.

After a while I'm feeling really good about myself and all this extra attention. In fact, I'm feeling a little arrogant... like I'm somewhat superior to these lesser guitarists.

But all good things must come to an end.

So the three-month mark hits and I know I have to cycle off Holdsworthabol. I taper my dosage down week by week until I'm off the drug.

But after about two weeks "clean" I notice that some of the licks I was shredding at really smoking tempos are now getting difficult. I have to slow down the tempo to play them correctly. I'm starting to slop through a lot of stuff and miss notes, too.

After four to six weeks all my admirers in the music store have noticed I've lost some of my former playing ability. I'm slopping through some of the more difficult passages and my solos are not as fast or technically flashy when playing through complex chord changes.

At my last gig my band asks, "Hey Dan, wanna play Giant Steps?"

"Naw... let's just do a twelve bar blues jam in A, OK? I'm not feeling up to any Coltrane tonight."

The truth? I can only do a half assed job on ANY Coltrane tune without the assistance of Holdsworthabol.

This gets extremely discouraging and I start to practice less. It just plain sucks to keep practicing when I can't do what I could easily do just a few weeks ago.

So the depression of seeing my gains go leads to less and less practicing... which leads to further loss of gains.

Besides, why do I want to bust my ass practicing the guitar when my gains will only be tiny little baby steps. I think I'll just hold back on the practicing until my next cycle of Holdsworthabol. At least then I know I'll make rapid progress.

And thus begins my downward spiral.

After it's all said and done, after cycling off Holdsworthabol, I've lost about 75% (or more) of what I had gained.

I've gone from "guitar god" to "guitar dud" all in a matter of a few weeks.

Keeping 25% of my Holdsworth-ish abilities isn't bad, right?

Wrong.

My ego is seriously bruised now. And I miss all the kudos and recognition that came with being a mini Allan Holdsworth.

Do you think I'm going to be content just being normal again after experiencing life as a mini guitar god?

Nope. I'm already planning my next cycle of Holdsworthabol. Just like last time, it will be great while I'm on it. But then I'll have to go through the whole roller coaster all over again when I come off the drug.

When am I going to call it quits and stay off the Holdsworthabol for good?

Who knows? Unless I get some really bad side effects I'll probably keep doing cycles hoping to keep more and more of what I've gained.

What I'd really like is to taper off the Holdsworthabol but not lose any of my my ability. Just keep what I've gained but stay off the drugs.

Ain't gonna happen.

At some point (as hard as it may be for my ego to accept) I have to face the fact that I am NEVER going to have the same abilities OFF Holdsworthabol that I had when I was on the drug.

I have to be content with the talent and ability I have been given and what I have developed through consistent practice and study. And through dilligent practice and study... and by making very small but consistent gains... I can continue to grow as a musician.

It takes a whole lot longer than the instant gains and gratification I get while taking Holdsworthabol, but at least I can keep what I've gained and don't have the emotional roller coaster of going from guitar god to a nobody... all within a matter of a few months.