# COMPETITIVE BODYBUILDING - POWERLIFTING - ATHLETICS & SPORTS > COMPETITIVE BODYBUILDING Q & A >  trouble with the wife

## j.daddy

I'm 20 days out from my first show. I know the life is hard to put up with. Still, I don't understand why my wife thinks she has to be a bitch about it. I'm trying to stay married, but all she wants is for.me to quit. I've already sacrificed a ton to get to where i Amanda so has she. I don't understand why she thinks I would get this close and quit, but that ain't happening. Does anyone have any GOOD advice. I am too close to quit,like I said I will not do that.

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## FireGuy

Tell her life will get back to normal soon enough, explain to her how important this is to you and how much you need her support. If there is anyway you can involve her in what you are doing that helps as well. Make her part of the experience.

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## CMB

> Tell her life will get back to normal soon enough, explain to her how important this is to you and how much you need her support. If there is anyway you can involve her in what you are doing that helps as well. Make her part of the experience.


I agree 100%. If you can some how tell your wife that her support is needed and soon it will all be back to normal I think she will be more than happy to help.

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## j.daddy

> Tell her life will get back to normal soon enough, explain to her how important this is to you and how much you need her support. If there is anyway you can involve her in what you are doing that helps as well. Make her part of the experience.


Thanx for the reply. I had already been including her in this. We talked and we came to aw compromise. I was going to do two shows. The second, five weeks after the first. I told her I need her support and if she will give it to me then I will only the first show. Of course I talked to my trainer first and made sure we had enough time to be in perfect shape for this one show. I'm going to have to step a few things up, chemicals and cardio and cut out a little more carbs,but I'm able to do it. I actually feel better about it all.

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## toooosmall

from my perspective, I had to keep it hidden from the wife. I JUST now finished my last shot of my first 12 week test cycle. my wife isn't very intelligent, or informed, or even willing to become informed. she likely would not grasp the simple scientific concepts that would help her understand that my situation is nothing compared to what she has read or heard. in my experience, the legal shiit i got before was way less healthy than this test. and, with proper research chemicals, i feel a test cycle is barely unhealthy at all.

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## j.daddy

My wife is fine with the chemicals. It's the contest prep that she hates.

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## toooosmall

lol, my bad dude. I'd like to share something else, but i know its not the same kind of contest or same situation, but i know how it is to have a wife in oppositon...I was in the transformation contest on this forum and my wife hated it. we fought alot the first couple weeks. we were even talking about things related to splitting up, partly because i blew up at her for not supporting me in my pursuit of something that is important to me, one of my main interests. it came down to her asking whether or not i even want to be with her or not (partly because I got up off my ass from the tv to get healthy and in shape, which means time in the gym instead of time by her side, at the tv). my response was that she doesn't want to be with me because i'm pursuing a healthy interest that is important to me. this is what i like. my hobby. my health. I said she wanted a couch potato like her. I let her know how unsupporting she was to me in my very tough pursuit. of all people, your spouses' support is the most important (though i thank those others that DID support me). I laid it in her lap. she was dissin me because of my hobby and interest, etc. after that, time ironed it all out. 3 months later, a new lifestyle is established, and she has adjusted, and understands me better and respects me more (....i hope). anyhow, 30 lbs lost, she loves my new physique compared to before, and it will all get better if i don't fall back into the lazy average american lifestyle and get in even better shape. at this point I recently got her on a 2 yr membership to my gym, so we can spend time together, and she can get a taste of fitness. I hope she gets the passion for it. there's alot more to say about all this, but hopefully something, anything, helps in what i said. anyhow, good luck man!

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## j.daddy

Man I appreciate the advice. I feel you. Congrats on th weight loss and keep up the good work. I've been trying to get my wife interested in fitness and she really doesn't care. I figured she would understand how important it is to me since I've been talking about it since before we ever dated, but I guess she doesn't get it. I really think this is going to break us up. It's not even the show. It's like you said I need the support of my wife to accomplish something this difficult. There is a lot that goes into getting your body in contest shape. Believe it or not it is the most mentally challenging goal I have ever attempted. I'm fighting myself enough without having to fight her as well.

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## lovbyts

> My wife is fine with the chemicals. It's the contest prep that she hates.


Sounds like the typical insecure woman. Like most it's needs to be about them, not you unless it benefits them. It's also control with many. They bitch you dont make enough money so you work your ass off to make more then they bitch you are never home and work to much. You work out so you look good, feel good and they complain that you are obsessed with working out and diet then if you stay home and dont work out they complain you are getting fat/out of shape. 

Face it, with most women it's a no win situation. LOL Best think is to play hard ball adn tell her this is how you are, this is who you married, if you dont like it there are choices and stick to your guns. Do the same with her, if she starts changing, getting fat, lazy or??? be honest and play hard, that's not who you married and it's not who she was. 

Once you start to give in it will never end. Compromise in most cases means you are doing what she wants, where is the YOU part in the compromise. Sounds like you are the only one giving up something, you are only asking her to not be a bitch.

Hope it works out for you and good luck in the up coming competition.

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## wmaousley

My wife asked me (passivly) why I train all the time, and I showed her a mens health magazine and told her I wanted to be built just like these guys so she can have her very own magazine quality model all to herself. She just laughed at me... But she is cool, 

bro I hate to hear what your going through, you know women need more attention than a newborn sometimes and if they feel they are being ignored in the slightest bit its going to be WWIII in the house. I like like to include my wife in everything I do, My gym has a Cafe, my wife loves to sit in cafes' so she comes with me ect..

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## toooosmall

> Sounds like the typical insecure woman. Like most it's needs to be about them, not you unless it benefits them. It's also control with many. They bitch you dont make enough money so you work your ass off to make more then they bitch you are never home and work to much. You work out so you look good, feel good and they complain that you are obsessed with working out and diet then if you stay home and dont work out they complain you are getting fat/out of shape. 
> 
> Face it, with most women it's a no win situation. LOL Best think is to play hard ball adn tell her this is how you are, this is who you married, if you dont like it there are choices and stick to your guns. Do the same with her, if she starts changing, getting fat, lazy or??? be honest and play hard, that's not who you married and it's not who she was. 
> 
> Once you start to give in it will never end. Compromise in most cases means you are doing what she wants, where is the YOU part in the compromise. Sounds like you are the only one giving up something, you are only asking her to not be a bitch.
> 
> Hope it works out for you and good luck in the up coming competition.


you totally nailed it dude!

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## firmechicano831

good luck brother, I'm glad things worked out.

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## j.daddy

> good luck brother, I'm glad things worked out.


Worked out? I'm getting a divorce. I did the competition, but I did it in spite of the fact that she and about 99% of the people in my life tried to cause problems. I'm starting another chapter in my life right now. Bodybuilding is a passion of mine and is one of the few things that is going to stay a part of my life.

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## wmaousley

Damn hate to hear that, well look to the bright side of things, you wont have anyone trying to piss on your parade.

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## FireGuy

It sounds to me like there were quite a few underlying issues and you doing the competition just brought them to light. How did the show go, how many guys in your class, where did you place, what did you learn, what do you need to improve upon???

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## bjpennnn

stay strong bro...that really sucks about the wife. I think fireguy gave you the best advice up top. Good luck with the prep!

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## j.daddy

> It sounds to me like there were quite a few underlying issues and you doing the competition just brought them to light. How did the show go, how many guys in your class, where did you place, what did you learn, what do you need to improve upon???


You're exactly right about the underlying issues. Now as for the contest I finished 4th out of 5. I know what your thinking, but I learned a ton. First I tried to carb-up with a carb source I have never used (sweet potatoes). I know that they are a good carb source, but my body didn't know what to do with them. I spilled over and looked smooth. Second my trainer had me drink something with dinner friday night. I didn't think that was a good idea after dehydrating, but I listened. Again I looked smooth the next day= water weight. Third I learned to keep your pissed off ex-wife away from your new girlfriend while going through contest prep. All in all it was the most fun I have ever had. I have already started bulking for the next competition which is October 29th. I'm going to take what I learned and come in better and more dense and see if I can place. This one's a national qualifier so the competition will be stacked.

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## ShadowWarrior646

I used to be in great shape before I met my wife. I went jogging/running at least 3 times a week, I worked out for at least 2 hours per day. I was ****ing HOT.
I recently told her during one of the few gym trips we made together, while she was bitching about how she doesn't want me to get too big. I'd been hearing that for years. So this time I set the rack to 250lbs and lifted all of it and told her.. I've been holding myself back for you for going on 5 years. I used to be lean, buff and manly beautiful.. and all you do is sit around watching tv and playing video games. You don't cook or clean and you have no interest in being healthy, yet you constantly whine about not feeling well after eating junk and then you want to nag at me for trying to take care of my body and have pride in my appearance?

Anyway, long story short I told her Iw as holding myself back for her anymore and if she couldn't be supportive, she could at least not try to hold me back or we could just split up and now she is actually being supportive of me and has said that once I get to the proper shape, she's not gonna whine about me juicing... we'll see I guess. Still have a ways to go, but I'm doing this for me, and to Hell with how she feels about it. Its who I was when we met, it's who I am now.

It's just not worth it to be in a relationship with someone you don't get along with and if there's no mutual support of life goals and happiness, there's no way it's going to work. And NEVER sell yourself short.

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## Mackn

> I used to be in great shape before I met my wife. I went jogging/running at least 3 times a week, I worked out for at least 2 hours per day. I was ****ing HOT.
> I recently told her during one of the few gym trips we made together, while she was bitching about how she doesn't want me to get too big. I'd been hearing that for years. So this time I set the rack to 250lbs and lifted all of it and told her.. I've been holding myself back for you for going on 5 years. I used to be lean, buff and manly beautiful.. and all you do is sit around watching tv and playing video games. You don't cook or clean and you have no interest in being healthy, yet you constantly whine about not feeling well after eating junk and then you want to nag at me for trying to take care of my body and have pride in my appearance?
> 
> Anyway, long story short I told her Iw as holding myself back for her anymore and if she couldn't be supportive, she could at least not try to hold me back or we could just split up and now she is actually being supportive of me and has said that once I get to the proper shape, she's not gonna whine about me juicing... we'll see I guess. Still have a ways to go, but I'm doing this for me, and to Hell with how she feels about it. Its who I was when we met, it's who I am now.
> 
> It's just not worth it to be in a relationship with someone you don't get along with and if there's no mutual support of life goals and happiness, there's no way it's going to work. And NEVER sell yourself short.


Great advice here brotha!

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## FireGuy

This type of problem finds exposes itself in many relationships and it has nothing to do with bodybuilding in particular. Anytime one person does something to improve themselves the other party often feels the need to do the same or end up feeling inferior. It's much easier for that person to try and bring you back down to their level as opposed to elevating themselves. If you are in a truly healthy relationship where each person is supportive of the other and there are not underlying self esteem issues things can go on without any problems at all. I believe in the other thread by JDaddy he mentioned his girlfriend was being supportive but his wife wasnt?? Umm, did you honestly expect them to be on the same page of any topic? Sorry, just found it kinda of funny that you were upset about her not supporting you but didnt disclose that last bit of information to us until now. 
http://forums.steroid.com/showthread...ontest-in-June)

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## j.daddy

> This type of problem finds exposes itself in many relationships and it has nothing to do with bodybuilding in particular. Anytime one person does something to improve themselves the other party often feels the need to do the same or end up feeling inferior. It's much easier for that person to try and bring you back down to their level as opposed to elevating themselves. If you are in a truly healthy relationship where each person is supportive of the other and there are not underlying self esteem issues things can go on without any problems at all. I believe in the other thread by JDaddy he mentioned his girlfriend was being supportive but his wife wasnt?? *Umm, did you honestly expect them to be on the same page of any topic?* Sorry, just found it kinda of funny that you were upset about her not supporting you but didnt disclose that last bit of information to us until now. 
> http://forums.steroid.com/showthread...ontest-in-June)


*No.* The wife wasn't supportive long before the girlfriend came along. I'm getting a divorce, I don't see any problem with having my girlfriend at a bodybuilding show with me. I do see a problem with a soon to be ex-wife coming to cause drama. I'm going to try to keep the ex far away from the next show. The last thing I need when I'm depleted is to deal with my ex-wife's b.s.

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## Hazard

OH LORD!

Your soon to be ex-wife came to the show and you had your gf there!? I feel so sorry for you right now..... thats the last thing you need to deal with at a show..... tho it may not have been the best idea to invite the gf knowing that the ex-wife knew when and where the show was lol.

Fireguy fvcking NAILED the situation..... atleast my situation. My wife loved the way i looked (though smaller) when we were younger..... before we got married. I was working out 4x a week, doing muay thai 3x a week, and brazilian jiu-jitsu 4x a week. She was perfectly fine with all of it and i'd come over her place after I was done with it all. That started to change a bit when I decided to move in with her to help out. I had a jiu-jitsu competition comming up and I was training hard for it. After my competition I had decided to make bodybuilding my one passion..... the one sport that I was going to invest my time in. I didn't want to be mediocre at 3-4 things..... I wanted to be awesome at one. She was fine with that because i'd be dropping a few things...... but what she didn't understand was that my dedication would go into one thing instead of a bunch. 

After we got married shit went down hill big time..... she was working out like a crazy person for the wedding and I think she got burnt out. She then went down a very bad road with prescription drugs..... and I gave in to her constant bitching. I stopped everything..... I just came home after work and was "around the house" more. I dropped to about 205lbs again..... didn't have abs..... and I lost myself completely. She was fvckin happier than a pig in shit..... popping her pills..... her husband was down on himself..... she ruled the fvckin roost man.

All that came to an end when I took back charge of my own life. Since THAT DAY..... she's had a chip on her shoulder and hates bodybuilding. As of the last 12-18 months I do hafta say shes been better. I was there for her durring her detox/rehab..... I never left. I think that sank in a little..... and she's let up big time though those feelings of "inferiority" are still there. It's an ongoing problem..... and I try my best to keep her happy but i'm no longer going to put myself and my life goals on the back burner. Even if that means divorce one day...... it will not be my choice to go that route..... but I will not choose to live an unfulfilled life.

I hope things get better for you mate

~Haz~

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## toooosmall

oh god, i'm right wit you guys!! nice to know you guys Haz n Jdaddy

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## brad1986

^^ same page! This thread actually made me feel better because now i know my marriage is just like alot of yours. My dieting is harder with my wife because shes not on the same page. She bitches about grocery bill and wants me to come home instead of gym half the time. It was so much easier to suceed when i was single and i battle everyday with whether i need a relationship at all or not. I feel I would suceed as a person if i didnt have somebody bringing me down and not supporting my dieting. Thanks for the vent haha

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## M.iracle

wow this thread just confirms my worst fears about marriage...majority need attention as much as they need oxygen....I notice it with my one sister, my other sister is mad chill she hits the gym hard so me and her are pretty close cause I think she knows the work needed to be a serious lifter.

My mom just condemns constantly...shes a single mom recently so i understand sometimes where her stress comes from, but at the same time my dad was a bitch and my mom ran the house, her idea of an argument is her yelling and just cause I dont say anything she thinks she wins, then she will literally yell things that have no relation to the original argument and convince herself the things she says is right. She thinks going to the gym 2 twice is good enough, she gets pissed at me going so often but loves it when family and friends compliment me, shes one of those highly babying mothers and I mean its good in some ways but Im glad I dont always listen, shes literally turned my sister a year younger than me into a baby, who always quits at whatever she does.

Ive been pretty usccessful in terms of landing good jobs, school has been slacking lately but Im in a highly credible program, I have alot of things going for me right now, and whenever she gets mad she constantly says things like `oh where you are now is because of me`...in my head i just lol cause if i ended up listening to everything she said Id be this fat piece of shit just lying around the house looking for her to spoon feed me everything.... 

Ive heard this story with alot of my boys who have had girlfriends....I think if i am ever going to tie myself down with a girl its going to be with one who comes from a a highlly motivated and strong work ethic background, whose been a serious athlete or is highly educated cause they understand what it means and takes to be highly dedicated to something.

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## JimmySidewalk

My GF suports me in every way. I mean she learned how to do injections for me, so i wouldnt have to struggle pinning some spots. She wants me to be in good shape, she likes it. I actually tease her sometimes that i wont train anymore. I said to her "what, you aint gonna love me anymore?" she said, "well, i probably will, but if i became fat, would you love me the same ?"
Seems logical and fair enough.

In my opinion two people who form a couple either married, or soon to be, should help eachother fulfill their dreams, goals, support in anyway possible. I mean, wouldnt you want the best for the person you love and who loves you ?
You both have to help one another evolve into something better together. 

If its a continuing war, maybe she's not the one for you.
Dont settle for compromises, ever, cause in the long run it wont end happy for sure.

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## Buddhabody

I feel for you guys on the board, because an unsupportive spouse can be a downer. My gf and I have been dating for 6 years (I refuse marriage) and she is supportive of my life in my attempts to earn a pro card down the line. She cooks all my meals and goes to the gym twice a week with me. She is concerned that I'm "going to leave her for a fitness model" lol but she is insecure. However, I hope that doesnt mean the demise of our relationship but who knows. I will earn a pro card one day with her by my side or not.

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## AngelorVixen

OK, I have to say from a WOMAN'S perspective, you guys all sound like a bunch of selfish jerks... Relationships are give and take. There is always going to be something to quibble about, but you don't just say, well get on the train or get off of it. I'm sure your wives and girlfriends have sacrificed a LOT in order to try to be supportive, but then somehow it magically all becomes about you and what YOU are not getting out of the relationship. My now ex boyfriend was juicing behind my back bc I told him not to tell me. But when it started affecting the bedroom, he finally had to. I realized it wasn't just the sexual aspect of the change, but so many other things came together for me. The depression after an event, the mysterious "flu" I had to nurse, coughing up blood for 2 weeks, the mood swings, and theoverall lack of affection when he was on it. I went through SO much stress, and never said a word to him about it. I cooked breakfast, lunch and dinner, and even took care of his daughter with him... I was the greatest girlfriend in the world until I became less than happy with his methods of advancing in his sport, which I otherwise also always supported. Whatever new batch he was taking made him very detached and moody, and one drunken argument lead to him punching a huge hole through my door. A month later, he said he couldn't be with someone who didn't support him...and he left. 

My advice to you guys is for you to stop for a second and think about what SHE may not be getting and maybe if there is something you are doing wrong. Many times we don't realize how selfish we are being in the moment. Hindsight is 20/20 for a reason... and be willing to talk about things. Letting things fester without some kind of confrontation (there will always be some in any relationship) will only poison the well. It's hurtful, because I gave my all to this man, and all he could think about was himself. When he wasn't cycling, he was amazing, and thoughtful and affectionate. His "career" caused him to lose his first marriage, and his daughter... all in the name of a sport that will dispose of him once he is bruised and bled dry. It's sad for me to hear your stories, especially bc in a marriage, part of your vows entails "forsaking all others". Sometimes that means yourself too...Best of luck to you guys...<3

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## FireGuy

^^Great post, always two sides to every situation.

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## Twist

His girl actually signed on! Oh man that's great.

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## AngelorVixen

> His girl actually signed on! Oh man that's great.


In response to this, I'll tell you how I came across these forums. When I found out my ex started taking steroids , I Googled everything I could find related to the matter. I didn't want to be biased, so I figured the best REAL stories of actual users would be from people actually taking it. I wanted to go beyond the stigmas, and try to educate myself a little more so maybe that way it would help me gain some perspective...I came from a family that has been shaken and destroyed by addiction, and so has he...so I know firsthand that ANY drug (even the ones that you're allowed to take) can have some pretty rough side effects. Again, I was TRYING to be supportive, but it isn't easy when the person you love the most is spiraling out of control, and you have a pretty good idea of what may be an underlyng cause...my ex was so fixated not on the idea of competing, but of Winning...and he was willing to sacrifice everything he had in order to get it... Reading some of your stories is a little scary, because it's like an underground world I was completely blind to. You hear about steroids, and you see these juiced up disgusting specimens of what used to be normal looking guys, and it repulses me. My ex doesn't do bodybuilding, and he still looks normal, so the change in his appearance wasn't a tip-off for me. It was the changes in his behavior that scared me the most. Furthermore guys, I have to tell you that an old coworker of mine woke up next to her husband's cold body one morning...he WAS a bodybuilder and he died of cardiac arrest due to an enlarged heart (thanks steroids!) in his sleep. You can't imagine what she went through... I love my ex very much, but I have to remember that this is his CHOICE. Just like this is your choice too. And you have to live with the choices you make...I'm sure you can always find some new hot gym-rat girl to get your mind off of a failed relationship, but ultimately you end up alone. And I know I didn't post a pic, but he'll be hard pressed to find a woman like me again. I'm very educated, funny, I can cook my ass off and I'm HOT!!! His loss...My being here on this site just proves once again what I was willing to do to make him happy... and he took it for granted. End of story.

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## AngelorVixen

By the way, the original guy who posted this was not my boyfriend or former husband. Just to be clear...

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## brad1986

> In response to this, I'll tell you how I came across these forums. When I found out my ex started taking steroids , I Googled everything I could find related to the matter. I didn't want to be biased, so I figured the best REAL stories of actual users would be from people actually taking it. I wanted to go beyond the stigmas, and try to educate myself a little more so maybe that way it would help me gain some perspective...I came from a family that has been shaken and destroyed by addiction, and so has he...so I know firsthand that ANY drug (even the ones that you're allowed to take) can have some pretty rough side effects. Again, I was TRYING to be supportive, but it isn't easy when the person you love the most is spiraling out of control, and you have a pretty good idea of what may be an underlyng cause...my ex was so fixated not on the idea of competing, but of Winning...and he was willing to sacrifice everything he had in order to get it... Reading some of your stories is a little scary, because it's like an underground world I was completely blind to. You hear about steroids, and you see these juiced up disgusting specimens of what used to be normal looking guys, and it repulses me. My ex doesn't do bodybuilding, and he still looks normal, so the change in his appearance wasn't a tip-off for me. It was the changes in his behavior that scared me the most. Furthermore guys, I have to tell you that an old coworker of mine woke up next to her husband's cold body one morning...he WAS a bodybuilder and he died of cardiac arrest due to an enlarged heart (thanks steroids!) in his sleep. You can't imagine what she went through... I love my ex very much, but I have to remember that this is his CHOICE. Just like this is your choice too. And you have to live with the choices you make...I'm sure you can always find some new hot gym-rat girl to get your mind off of a failed relationship, but ultimately you end up alone. And I know I didn't post a pic, but he'll be hard pressed to find a woman like me again. I'm very educated, funny, *I can cook my ass off and I'm HOT!!!* His loss...My being here on this site just proves once again what I was willing to do to make him happy... and he took it for granted. End of story.


So what are you doing this weekend?lol

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## Reed

Sounds like AngelorVixen seems to be biased in the way she says bodybuilders are disgusting and that she was the greatest girlfriend in the world. You could have been, but generally people in negative relationships always point the finger elsewhere and rarely look at themselves.

I don't think you've read enough, been involved with the sport, or know enough of the people in the sport yet. Wanna know how many top level athletes, Olympic athletes etc use steroids . Bet you'd be shocked!

He was willing to sacrifice everything but you all had drunken arguements that lead to him punching through the wall? Generally serious athletes don't go and get drunk nor do you hear of typical high level bodybuilders having "roid rage ". That right there told me enough.

You just had yourself a typical douche really that thought steroids were the answer and made him a badass. Anyone with intelluct should be able to recognize their behavior changes or at least listen to others that are important to them and stop what they are doing. To have problems in the bedroom (it should be the opposite if applied the right way) and having anger problems tells me he didn't know what he was doing in the first place.

You can love him all you want but that won't make him a better person.

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## AngelorVixen

I didn't mean to offend anyone, I just have a preference as far as looks go. Some guys like implants, and some don't...we are all entitled to our own personal feelings about what we deem to be attractive or not. That's not the point... I do agree with you as far as the drinking goes, and I have tried telling him that partying and sports don't mix. That if he REALLY wants to be the best, he needs to be disciplined and get his ass in gear. The fight was on a holiday and he had a few too many, and I don't really know what the fight was over. I'm not really a drinker myself, so the two I had got to my head pretty quickly...

As far as how many athletes use, I don't think I would be shocked...they test positive all the time, and it's always a let down for me, even though I know its to be expected. I understand the use of steroids for recovery and endurance, but when it starts to affect your relationships, I believe it crosses into a dark area where addiction is concerned. Some people can drink socially and its fine, but others either feel they need it. One of the guys said that his wife and 99% of the people in his life were against what he was doing, and for me that is a red flag. Because the people who are close to you LOVE you, and sometimes they have the ability to see the bigger picture. Not because they want you to stop what you're doing bc they don't want you to be happy. It's the opposite. I feel like a lot of guys here are just living in the moment, and not really thinking about what the consequences of their actions will be long term... and as far as pointing fingers, I wasn't the one who pinted fingers and left. I stayed...even though from day one I didn't want to get involved with a person who was newly divorced, had a child, and didn't bring home a steady paycheck or pursue anything other than his sport. I was supportive, and very loving...as far as his using, he was on and off for 3 years and his coach who is a pro builder was giving it to him. I assumed he would know what he was doing, but maybe you're right. Either way, the purpose of my original post was to instill some perspective. I can't teach anybody anything...I can only make them think.

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## Hazard

> *OK, I have to say from a WOMAN'S perspective, you guys all sound like a bunch of selfish jerks... Relationships are give and take.* There is always going to be something to quibble about, but you don't just say, well get on the train or get off of it. I'm sure your wives and girlfriends have sacrificed a LOT in order to try to be supportive, but then somehow it magically all becomes about you and what YOU are not getting out of the relationship. My now ex boyfriend was juicing behind my back bc I told him not to tell me. But when it started affecting the bedroom, he finally had to. I realized it wasn't just the sexual aspect of the change, but so many other things came together for me. The depression after an event, the mysterious "flu" I had to nurse, coughing up blood for 2 weeks, the mood swings, and theoverall lack of affection when he was on it. I went through SO much stress, and never said a word to him about it. I cooked breakfast, lunch and dinner, and even took care of his daughter with him... I was the greatest girlfriend in the world until I became less than happy with his methods of advancing in his sport, which I otherwise also always supported. Whatever new batch he was taking made him very detached and moody, and one drunken argument lead to him punching a huge hole through my door. A month later, he said he couldn't be with someone who didn't support him...and he left. 
> 
> My advice to you guys is for you to stop for a second and think about what SHE may not be getting and maybe if there is something you are doing wrong. Many times we don't realize how selfish we are being in the moment. Hindsight is 20/20 for a reason... and be willing to talk about things. Letting things fester without some kind of confrontation (there will always be some in any relationship) will only poison the well. It's hurtful, because I gave my all to this man, and all he could think about was himself. When he wasn't cycling, he was amazing, and thoughtful and affectionate. His "career" caused him to lose his first marriage, and his daughter... all in the name of a sport that will dispose of him once he is bruised and bled dry. It's sad for me to hear your stories, especially bc in a marriage, part of your vows entails "forsaking all others". Sometimes that means yourself too...Best of luck to you guys...<3


Let me tell you something.....

- My wife had an addiction
- My wife went to rehab twice and detox 3 times
- My wife was fired from her job because of her addiction
- My wife STILL does not work (after 2 years)

I did not leave her and stood by her side while she was trying to get help. She also has manic depression..... and still needs medication to prevent an addiction relapse which is very very expensive. Oh and I cook all of the fvcking meals..... she'd live on chef-boyard and stouffers frozen meals if it wasn't for me..... instead she gets grilled portobello mushroom salads and mediteranean flatbread sandwhiches...... filet mignon..... chicken marsala..... you name it!

So before you go and classify me as "selfish jerk" and assume that my wife is not getting something from me..... you should find out the whole story. That also goes for the rest of the men here..... If the time comes and she finally finds out that i'm using aas..... it's going to be her fvcking choice to support me or get on the next train outa my life. I will not put myself on the backburner again.

I respect your opinion..... however it seems to me like you're still hurt over what your supposed "bodybuilder" boyfriend has done to you and it's caused a biased opinion on your part against our sport. 

Respectfully,
~Haz~

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## lovbyts

> Let me tell you something.....
> 
> - My wife had an addiction
> - My wife went to rehab twice and detox 3 times
> - My wife was fired from her job because of her addiction
> - My wife STILL does not work (after 2 years)
> 
> I did not leave her and stood by her side while she was trying to get help. She also has manic depression..... and still needs medication to prevent an addiction relapse which is very very expensive. Oh and I cook all of the fvcking meals..... she'd live on chef-boyard and stouffers frozen meals if it wasn't for me..... instead she gets grilled portobello mushroom salads and mediteranean flatbread sandwhiches...... filet mignon..... chicken marsala..... you name it!
> 
> ...


GREAT post and as said earlier, always 2 sides to a story. Only problem is most of the time it's only the woman's side you hear because they are the ones who usually complain about not getting what THEY need.... If a man steps up and ask for support from his wife or GF he is considered weak.

I spent almost 5 years trying to help my wife beat addiction with rehab, counseling, trying to use logic, patience and nurturing until after our daughter was born and I saw it was going to affect her life and put her at risk, then I felt I had no choice but to bail and I was right. Dont blame everyone else for one or two morons.

As said, the OP marriage obviously had a lot of issues before the BB came up and it seems since she was not the center of attention it was causing a problem. 

AngelOrVixen, if you like a certain body type of guy why did you end up with a guy who was into BB? Even if he was not into it or as much as you though when you first got together why did you stay? Because you wanted to change him? Why not just accept a guy for who he is and if it's not who you want then go find the one who is instead of trying to make someone into it? This is where women always screw up. 

Simple fact. Women marry men because of who they think they can/will be. Women want them to change or as they put it Improve. Men stay the same.
Men marry women because of who they are, they want them to stay the same, DONT change. Women always change.
Yes there are exception to every rule but this is most common.

BTW if your BF was coughing up blood and not seeing a doctor he was/is an idiot. You wont find many if anyone here who has had problems like that. Sounds like he didnt know what he was doing and maybe abusing more than you know.

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## Hazard

> GREAT post and as said earlier, always 2 sides to a story. Only problem is most of the time it's only the woman's side you hear because they are the ones who usually complain about not getting what THEY need.... If a man steps up and ask for support from his wife or GF he is considered weak.
> 
> I spent almost 5 years trying to help my wife beat addiction with rehab, counseling, trying to use logic, patience and nurturing until after our daughter was born and I saw it was going to affect her life and put her at risk, then I felt I had no choice but to bail and I was right. Dont blame everyone else for one or two morons.
> 
> As said, the OP marriage obviously had a lot of issues before the BB came up and it seems since she was not the center of attention it was causing a problem. 
> 
> AngelOrVixen, if you like a certain body type of guy why did you end up with a guy who was into BB? Even if he was not into it or as much as you though when you first got together why did you stay? Because you wanted to change him? Why not just accept a guy for who he is and if it's not who you want then go find the one who is instead of trying to make someone into it? This is where women always screw up. 
> 
> Simple fact. *Women marry men because of who they think they can/will be. Women want them to change or as they put it Improve. Men stay the same.
> ...


^^^^ A fvcking MEN.....

I've seen this so many times with female friends and ex-gf's who have told me about the guys they've been with. Women feel like they can change a man..... they are attracted to the "bad guy" but want him to be a good guy with HER. So they start going out..... she puts out...... he uses her..... and when she realizes that nothing is changing..... she finally gives up and moves on. Why do you think the pick up artist tactics work..... a lot of it is making yourself what a woman is looking for. A lot of women like a collin ferrel type "bad guy" 

~Haz~

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## Noles12

Op, do think the tren you were running may have played a role?

I know me personally that i can not run tren and maintain a relationship. I ran it twice while dating a the same girl. We had been fine and happy for a few years. I ran the tren and seriously everything she did pissed me off. We ended breaking up for a few months the first time i ran it. We got back together a couple months later. I ran it again. Broke up again.

I just know tren really fvcks with my head. And a girl can really bring about some serious issues for me while i run it

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## lovbyts

> Op, do think the tren you were running may have played a role?
> 
> I know me personally that i can not run tren and maintain a relationship. I ran it twice while dating a the same girl. We had been fine and happy for a few years. I ran the tren and seriously everything she did pissed me off. We ended breaking up for a few months the first time i ran it. We got back together a couple months later. I ran it again. Broke up again.
> 
> I just know tren really fvcks with my head. And a girl can really bring about some serious issues for me while i run it


That's interesting. I have heard or read that several times the last few years but most of the time they have a history of other symptoms. Not only symptoms but usually a history of depression or other things so I dont think you can blame it on the tren although it may enhance it in some way. Knock on wood but so far I have not experienced anything out of the unusual. I am still mellow 99% of the time, I still am defiant to the end when I know I am right almost no matter what the consequences but I can also walk away when things get out of hand.

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## Noles12

> That's interesting. I have heard or read that several times the last few years but most of the time they have a history of other symptoms.


I am not a mean guy at all. The gf and i would never fight. Tren just brings something out in me though. Little things that wouldnt phase me before would absolutely make me livid. I would overreact to many things she did or said. Tren just amplifies a situation for me that usually would be no big deal

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## Twist

> I am not a mean guy at all. The gf and i would never fight. Tren just brings something out in me though. Little things that wouldnt phase me before would absolutely make me livid. I would overreact to many things she did or said. Tren just amplifies a situation for me that usually would be no big deal


Even upping my testosterone does this. I am usually a whatever type of guy but if I up it, man do I have a short fuse. People around me can tell and always comment. It's not in my head that's for sure. Especially when I think I'm not overreacting at all...

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## lovbyts

Sounds to me it may be more of a E2 thing than a tren thing. The tren or test may be making your E2 go crazy causing the emotional swings. Just to make sure I went in today to get my E2 checked so see if I need to order some stane or not

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## Noles12

> Sounds to me it may be more of a E2 thing than a tren thing. The tren or test may be making your E2 go crazy causing the emotional swings. Just to make sure I went in today to get my E2 checked so see if I need to order some stane or not


Possibly. Did not have bloodwork while on? Whether it be the E2 or something else, i attribute the problem to tren . Its the only time i experienced that

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## FigureChick82

> Worked out? I'm getting a divorce. I did the competition, but I did it in spite of the fact that she and about 99% of the people in my life tried to cause problems. I'm starting another chapter in my life right now. Bodybuilding is a passion of mine and is one of the few things that is going to stay a part of my life.


Coming from a woman who competes in Figure, I just wanted to wish you the best in pursuing your passion of Bodybuilding. And, just to give you a female perspective, surprisingly I have gone through the same thing and ended a long term relationship due to his inability to support my goals and passion as a competitor. Way I see it, is when it comes down to it, someone who truly loves and cares you will support your passions and goals..PERIOD. Yes, contest prep is FAR from easy, and I admit I become rather intense prior to my shows, but quite frankly I personally separate myself from anyone that will stand in the way of my training or that doesn't understand it. People outside of it do not understand sometimes that this is a lifestyle we choose, and just because they themselves may not choose the same path does not give anyone the right to say what is right or wrong or whether or not it is worth the sacrifices. Fortunately I have made many close friends that are also Figure Competitors and Bodybuilders who can relate to me. Even in regards to dating I tend to stick to guys who are Bodybuilders as I admire and understand what they have to go through during prep, and they too can be patient with me with the mood swings from my diet or and cycles. Wishing you the best in the future and upcoming shows!

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